Friday Funny....

Stages of Life........



The Male Stages of Life


AGE DRINK

17 beer

25 beer

35 vodka

48 double vodka

66 Maalox



SEDUCTION LINE

17 My parents are away for the weekend.

25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.

48 My wife is away for the weekend.

66 My second wife is dead.



FAVORITE SPORT

17 sex

25 sex

35 sex

48 sex

66 napping



DRUG

17 pot

25 coke

35 really good coke

48 power

66 coke, a limousine, the company jet



DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 " tongue "

25 " breakfast "

35 " She didn't set back my therapy. "

48 " I didn't have to meet her kids. "

66 " Got home alive. "



FAVORITE FANTASY

17 getting to third

25 airplane sex

35 menage a trois

48 taking the company public

66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave



HOUSE PET

17 roaches

25 stoned-out college roommate

35 black lab

48 children from his first marriage

66 Barbi



WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 25

25 35

35 48

48 66

66 17



IDEAL DATE

17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in

25 " Split the check before we go back to my place "

35 " Just come over. "

48 " Just come over and cook. "

66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.


The Female Stages of Life

AGE DRINK



17 Wine Coolers

25 White wine

35 Red wine

48 Dom Perignon

66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser



EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 Need to wash my hair

25 Need to need wash and condition my hair

35 Need to color my hair

48 Need to have Francois color my hair

66 Need to have Francois color my wig



FAVORITE SPORT

17 shopping

25 shopping

35 shopping

48 shopping

66 shopping



DRUG

17 shopping

25 shopping

35 shopping

48 shopping

66 shopping



DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 " Burger King "

25 " Free meal "

35 " A diamond "

48 " A bigger diamond "

66 " Home Alone "



FAVORITE FANTASY

17 tall, dark and handsome

25 tall, dark and handsome with money

35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain

48 a man with hair

66 a man



HOUSE PET

17 Muffy the cat

25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat

35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat

48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat

66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs

Muffy the Cat



WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 17

25 25

35 35

48 48

66 66



IDEAL DATE

17 He offers to pay

25 He pays

35 He cooks breakfast the next morning

48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids

66 He can chew breakfast



DIXIE