Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since I posted.....
Not a lot I have to say, I guess...I am glad Christmas is over....I do believe this year was the worst Christmas ever.
The little boys had a good Christmas....so did my two oldest, but not from me...
Their dad bragged about how he spent over $600 a piece on them....I couldn't even begin to touch that. I was only able to give them a small amount of money. I had some put back to give them, but Christmas day, we had a flat tire, before picking them up, so I had to take money from their Christmas money I had saved to replace the tire.
Hubby and I have been arguing a lot...over money, go figure. Christmas night, when the older two boys were up, tensions were high, hubby and I were arguing, stupidly, in front of the kids and my 18 year old went off on me.....he cussed me, talked to me like I was a dog....F this, F that...a side of him I have never seen before....telling me I should manage my money better....all because he was pissed over me not having enough for him for Christmas, I am sure...although he didn't come right out and say it. Anyway, we were downstairs, and my son was screaming at me, cussing at me, hubby and 14 year old were upstairs, and 14 year old looked at hubby and said, "Oh, my God, I think he hit mom"...of course, hubby saw red, came flying down the stairs, grabbed 18 year old by the shirt, they started fighting, 14 year old and I had to seperate them...it was awful...I have never been so ashamed, so hurt and felt like such a bad mother in my entire life. 18 year old started bringing up everything from the past, his dad and I divorcing, how he has put up with so much bullshit....I swear, I have done nothing but given him love and all that I could. His behavior was so out of line...I am still nursing hurt feelings over this....I am still upset.
I currently have some freaky rash, spread all over my neck onto my chest...I think it may be hives...possibly because of my nerves..I don't know. I am tired, I am exhausted and I feel depressed. I need to figure out a way to get out of this funk that I am in...Hubby's attitude is that I just need to "get over it".."let it go"....
Everyone apologized...18 year old, hubby and myself...but the rest of the visit with them was strained, uneasy..I doubt my son will come back to visit me again.
I wish it had never happened...I wish our finances were better...I wish I could do more for my kids than what I can....I wish I were a better mother.
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